join a self help therapy group where u will meet others who have already experienced this, and can be supportive to u. its not easy to be married one day and the next he is gone, he was a big part of your life, and its painful to loose someone u love still. when my ex left me and its always due to interference from another woman no matter what they say, i was devastated, but the best thing is to make yourself meet new people, form new ways in life, as u don't have a choice here. just keep it about the child when u speak to him, and remember what he did to u, if u can do that your halfway there.Need advice about forgetting the ex!?
It sounds like you are not ';over him';. Is there a chance at reconciliation?
He was unfaithful to you. Is there a chance that you were unfaithful to him at least in spirit ? A child's best chance is with both parents. If there is a chance that you might find it in your heart to forgive and reconcile, maybe that is the best thing. You sound like you still love him. Does he still love you ? Just something to think about.
Make some new friends and take it slow. I think you married to young. People in their 20s tend to me emotionally unfaithful sooo easy. This is what happened to your husband. Or you can move back to be closer with your family.
Good luck
Best thing you can do is meet new people. They will occupy your mind and keep you busy. Before you know it he won't be so important.
had the same problem. i was married at 21 and divorced a year later. find someone else really quick and you will be over him.
time is the only thing that will solve it, find a passion in life [hobby, sport] anything that isn't him might help as well
just wish if it was all a dream and think about some other stuff ya dig
You'll just have to break the habit. There's nothing wrong with being pleasant though. You don't have to be cold %26amp; to the point. You can ask how he's doing or whatever. If he remarries or you do I think it's best to be friends really. My husband's ex asks him what he's up to etc. all the time %26amp; that doesn't bother me. All you need to worry about is what is okay for the both of you. Obviously if he's asking you to leave him alone then you need to, but if your communication is welcomed then I don't see the problem. It's hard to separate yourself from someone you've been that close to.
stop completely. only be civil for your child. since you live so far away you really don't have to deal with that many dramas. just keep busy, and think of what he did to you and that he did not honor you as his wife, you deserve much better. you will find someone better, and that will honor you. if you cant help writing him emails. then write them and send them to a friend or family member. write a note for yourself every day that you are better then that and that its his loss.
It is not as there is a choice. There is the divorce,and the separation, that sounds so final. That is what it means, you will not be sharing conversations or e mailing, the relationship has come to an end. Is there some kind of child settlement, and or visitation rights? That is where you have communications left, about the child. That is often a tug and pull unless you are both concerned for the good of your child.
Distancing yourself emotionally will come, as you accept and learn to deal with the rejection. That is the pain you may feel, he is divorcing you and the child. This being a learning experience many go trough, you are not allone 50% of the marriages end up in divorce. You are fortunate that you have your family close by, share your sorrow with them, and your faith in God.
Hey... I'm kinda/was in a similar situation as you. I was with my Ex since I was 17, I'm 23 he was my first love, first everything... I was attached to him deeply. The only thing you can do is realize that he's bad for you... and he wasn't the type of person that you wanted to be with, because he's not, he hurt you when you trusted him. Keep reminding yourself this. You need to become stronger and you need to protect your feelings. Avoid all contact with him unless it is something important and that you have to do. You need to detach yourself from him and the only way to do this is avoiding all contact. Keep getting support from your family and friends and keep talking about this to them and how he's not good for you if he's in your life and have them remind you this everytime your having a hard time, that's what helped me. I would call my friend up and talk about how I need to talk to him or want to say something and she would remind that he wasn't worth my time and that I deserve better and now I don't need that, I remind myself that everytime I feel the need to talk to him. You don't need him, that's what you need to realize, you are ur own person and you can be happy alone. You need to learn to be alone and you need to get stronger which is something that slowly happens once you start living without him, you start learning to love yourself more and realize that you don't need him as much as you thought you did. But to get there, you need to stop talking to him unless it is about your child and is something that can't be avoided.
It's going to be hard to get out or that habit as he has been in your life for a long, long time. Don't be so hard on yourself. To want to talk to him and share your feelings is natural. However, you're going to have to try not to do that and make a life of your own with your child.
When you talk to him, keep it about your child only. Call him when you only have a bit of time so you don't get off track and try to take him down memory lane. Rely on your family. Spend time with them. Make some new friends and a new routine.
You'll make it through this. I am sorry for your sadness. Good luck.
there has to more to this story. you guys were together for a long time. you have a child...but there had to be other issues in the marriage. did you change....where you focused more on the child and less on nurturing your marriage and home? has he always seemed disconnected? i believe that there are warning signs prior to the hubby getting out there. well...think about the part you played in him leaving and obviously it takes 2 for anything to work. pray about it. ask God to help you see what you need to see and understand. if you all remain friends, be friends. do not try and reconcile...that to me is the man's job not the woman's. be strong...get involved with family and other activities to occupy your thoughts and of course journal. if he was unfaithful in the marriage he can not be trusted...but he can be forgiven. keep your head up...but i know it is hard and probably a little lonely.... :(
Yeah, I have gone through the same thing. I was emotionally attached. The best thing that I did was talk to my friends and family about emotions that I would normally share with her. Once you cut off the connection, day by day it starts to get easier not talking to that person. You deserve to love someone that loves you back. I know the heart wants what the heart wants (this really sucks!!!), but cut the ties and you will be able to move on faster. It is not healthy to be in a place where a person can make you feel good or bad. Try to take control of your own emotions.
You need to find a hobby join community groups, get involved in a mommy and me class, or even just join a gym. Do whatever it takes to keep you out of the house and your mind off him. I went through the same thing with my x of 5 years and its hard, but the more you fill your time the less you will think of him and eventually the urge to call him, email him, or even talk to him will be gone.
Also, If your active in your community you will be more exposed to new friends, and potential new lovers, especially out here in cali there are so many people it wont be long before you forget his name :)
stay strong, everything will work out.
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