It sounds like you are still in shock and your way of dealing with it is to be in denial which is a very common thing to do when a loved one or some one you know takes their own life.My dad took his own life nearly 3 years ago and I think I was in shock for almost 3 months afterwards and then denial set in.I had myself convinced that he had died another way and when I was confronted with the real way he died,I made excuses like,well he might have a cancer and didn't tell any one and decided to take his own life,so he felt like he wouldn't be a burden to any one.I didn't think that I needed any counselling as I am a counsellor myself,but one day after work a colleague asked how I was and I broke down.I talked to her for nearly 6 hours,and through talking to her,I realised that I am never going to have answers to questions regarding why my dad did what he did and once I accepted that,my heart that had felt like it had been ripped into 2,began to heal.A good friend of my dad's who was friends with my Dad for over 40 years couldn't make it to my Dad's funeral as he was in hospital really sick at the time,rang my Mam 9 months after my Dad died and asked if the family were holding a anniversary mass and that if we were could he please get up and say something as he wasn't able to go to the funeral do so.What he said at the mass was truly amazing and very comforting to all my family,so you could always to the same,I know it won't be the same as going to his funeral,but it will give you some sort of closure.I hope that what ever path you take to getting your closure,I hope that you feel alot better soon.Take care.I need some advice about grieving!?
It's okay to grieve for the loss. Suicide is rough. I remember when I heard a friend of mine killed himself. I was in shock and in disbelief and was very sad.
It takes a while, but you will get over it, but you'll do it at your pace.
I agree with you; it's unrealistic to expect you to 'just get over it.' As you say, you haven't had any opportunity for closure.
Let the memories flood you. Enjoy your dreams as gifts from your subconscious. Dreams and memories are ways your friend will live on. Let yourself cry.
Is it possible to go visit your friend's burial site and ';talk'; to him? If there is no place where your friend's remains rest, perhaps you could ';talk'; to him anyway. Tell him what he meant to you. Tell him that you're royally pissed off he took his own life. Tell him you miss him. Honor your friendship.
You know how they say, ';Time heals all wounds';? In this case, they are correct. Grief eases up as time goes on, becomes easier to bear. Your wounds may never be completely healed - you'll always miss your friend - but a time comes when the memories are more pleasurable or bittersweet than painful.
Best wishes to you on your journey.
no you can't just get over it!! i feel sorry for your parents for thinking that. they are in for a shock if they ever lose a loved one!!!!!
i think your dreams are part of your closure. be happy you have some good dreams. maybe it means he is happier now. he obviously stuggled in this life. soo sorry! don't try to push the feelings away. grieving has many stages. just do your best, let the feelings out. maybe have a friend that will listen? helps just to talk about the person. don't hold it in!!! im sure your friend wouldn't want to be forgotten!! good luck to you sweety!! say some prayers, they do help. for yourself and your healing and also for your friend!
You are not supposed to ';just get over it.'; Mourning takes a lot of time...way more than two months. The dreams are your subconscious trying to sort everything out, and it must be really hard when you wake up and realize they are not true. I recommend seeing a councilor for a short time while you grieve. It could be really helpful. Also, it's important to remember that every person processes grief differently and you need time before you can move on.
no you just cant get over it and no one has the right to tell you how long you should grieve. call your local hospital and ask if they offer grief counceling if they dont they will refer you to someone who does. they may even be able to come to your home if you have no transportation............good luck to you
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's death. Any death is tragic, and he was so young. It's hard to comprehend his decision to commit suicide, especially when so many questions remain unanswered.
Here are a few thoughts that might help a little.
You are not alone with your feelings
First realize that you are completely normal. Everyone grieves differently and every person's passing has a different effect on us, as different as the roles that these people played in our lives. Some deaths are very much harder to deal with than others.
Your relationship with your neighbor was different than the relationship that your parent's had with him. For them, his passing might be simply the result of bad choices, and their focus might be on his parent's instead, but clearly this is not the case for you and that is important for you to realize, though they might not understand how his death is impacting you. Your feelings about him and about his death are valid and they are important.
Getting over it
I don't believe that anyone can ';just get over it'; as if it's a choice. Grieving is a process that will take you the time it takes for YOU personally to move through his death and to come to terms with your loss. Know that your time table will not match someone else's expectations of when you should be over it and while they may give you a hard time, allow yourself to take the time you need to process everything.
Life's changing
Know too that your life will be changed forever, marked to some small or large measure by his passing. You will not get over this by forgetting about him and his role in your life. It seems that your feelings for him were mixed, that's also completely normal as well (people are imperfect) Know that those feelings may never be fully resolved, and that's okay
Allow yourself to grieve
The most important thing you can do to help yourself is to give yourself permission to grieve as fully as you need to grieve. Women in some countries go all out wailing and carrying on - studies show that it helps. The more you're able to allow yourself to grieve now - even if it's the middle of the night - the more relief you will feel.
Express your feelings
While your folks may not be the best choice, find someone if you can that you can talk about your feelings with. If there's no one that you feel comfortable talking to, it might help for you to get a notebook and to write your feelings out, as well as the dreams you have. You can reread your thoughts if you want but the purpose is not to analyze them so much as to just acknowledge them.
Broaden your focus
Some people find that getting outside of themselves helps. Whether that's taking up something new and learning a new skill, or volunteering their time to a worthy cause, it relieves some of their own pain to turn their focus outside for awhile. College of course will serve the same purpose.
If you are having problems not sleeping or sleeping all of the time, feel like your life is out of control or focusing on anything else, or if you just need to take this to another level, it might merit seeking professional help.
I hope that helps a little.
Grieving is never an easy thing. These things take time and everyone deals with it different.
I to have lost a good friend and many family members as well.
Just remember the good times you had with your Friend and in time you will find it easier to except the unfortunate choice that he made
first off, im sorry about what happened :[ id hug you if i could..
one of my best friends that lived down my street since i was about 5 was killed last january in a car accident, and its still hard going past his house. and i, too, have to go past it every day, cuz its still down the street. and i know how you feel. my parents, the guy i was dating at the time, AND my friends ALL told me to ';get over it. you cant still be sad over 2 months later.'; but it STILL gets me. last year was horrible. i was STILL in denial after the funeral. he just looked so fake in there..
and ill admit, its hard to get over it. it took me MONTHS to get back to normal, and i still havent gotten over it. and to me, you cant just ';get over it';, but you can put it behind you and try to live normal. at least thats what i did. but email me if you wanna talk about it. :} xconvictxx@hotmail.com
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