Need advice about being there for elderly neighbor who's very needy?

We have an 80 something elderly neighbor that lives two houses away from us. She has a nurse over there during the day on the weekdays. She came over a few weeks ago to get my husband to go over to check things out after someone came in the night and scared her which turned out to be her new night nurse. Two nights later she called after a fall 24 hours prior. She went to get an x-ray at the hosp. She got our number from my husband but lost it so she has my cell. A neighbor recently told me that she tends to bother people and doesn't think of them. I'm a mom of three kids. She came by another night and said she couldn't read what her discharge paper said. It was after the fall five days prior and it was a Sat. night and didn't ask her day nurse on Friday. I wrote the discharge notes bigger so she could read them. She has severe osteoporosis, parkinsons, spasms in her leg from parkinsons and otherwise appears healthy. She calls 911 when it's not an emergency or when she notices her B.P. is high after taking it wrong (she's not on any B.P. meds and the only thing she takes is something for her history above). I showed her how to properly hold her arm and it came back normal. She has a nurse sleeping with her tonight and complained she didn't have anyone there for her Thanksgiving and Friday. Her daugher left with the kids for the holidays. Maybe her daughter realizes she's so needy and decided to not have her over. She told her he should be in a nursing home and someone told me that the reason she is alone is because she did it to herself by being so needy. I was told to stay out of her business even though she is bothering us and wants company when a nurse isn't there. I was trying to get some sleep about two weeks ago (I'm 4 weeks post-op from neck surgery) and she came over after I didn't answer my phone and I refused to answer the door and told my kids to not answer the door. I';m thinking of telling her she should be in a nursing home or other place where she doesn't have to be alone all the time. I think she'd bother the nurses every hour at an assisted living place. I'm sick of seeing 911 being abused by her and also sick of tending to her needs after everyone else gave up not to my knowledge until after she got my number.





Oh and she wouldn't take her medications the way the dr. prescribed them and just called to complain of terrible pain when there isn't anything I can do about it. It's always after the nurse leaves for the week that she calls to bother us. She never calls to ask me to do something for her but instead tells me what's going on and doesn't ask me to come over or to help with her confusion and I coulld be in the middle of picking up my kids.





She has thanked me for helping her out and giving her some chicken from our home after we learned that the chicken her daughter brought to her was blackened to much.





I feel like telling her to go into a nursing home if she needs nurses to care for her (which she doesn't) but she's just lonely and so needy. I thought maybe assisted living would help her but she's to needy and not really able to go there because of her neediness and the fact that she's to scared to live alone. She's showing some signs of mental confusion but other times she is normal and knows what's going on. Need advice about being there for elderly neighbor who's very needy?
You're very kind to do all you have done for this lady. I can understand why her constant demands for your time and attention are wearing on you. I would advise you to talk to her as well as her nurse and her daughter about your observations and your recommendation that she live in assisted care. Perhaps they could find a facility that has different levels of care, with apartments for people like her who can function independently but just need the security of knowing help is always available. Or, at the very least, maybe her daughter will be moved to step up to the plate if she knows how much you have been helping out. By the way, the respect and concern you show for her, by both your words and actions, can serve as an excellent example and lesson for your children that will color their view of the elderly.Need advice about being there for elderly neighbor who's very needy?
Sounds as if this lady is driving you nuts.


There is only so much you can do, you will have to learn to


say a very firm NO.


She seems to have numerous agencies looking after her and


a daughter around too.


She is not your responsibility, you can be a friend and help


when you can but you have your own family to look after and


an illness to recover from.


I was in a similar position a couple of years ago, it was hard but


I had to stand firm, I was being run ragged by a neighbour whose


children wanted nothing to do with her, I was neglecting my family


to help her and it had to stop.


When I did finally stop being at her beck and call, she paid for a home help and the problem was solved. I was walking her dog twice a day


cooking her tea, doing her washing and ironing and shopping, I


felt as if I was her servant. My compassion ran out and sadly we


don't even speak anymore.