Need advice about my 18 yr old son!!?

I have four boys. My oldest turned 18 in November. He is a senior in high school and will be going to college in the fall. He is a good kid for the most part, but since he turned 18 I am forever hearing ';I'm 18, I can do what I want';. I am about to lose it! I have tried the ';not while you live under my roof'; bit and he says ';fine, I'll move out';. I don't want him to do that because I fear he will mess up his future. I have tried to explain to him that I love him and I worry about him, but he continues with the attitude! He has this tough guy attitude and is constantly being a jerk to me and his younger brothers.





I guess my question is......what do I do? He is paying for his own car, so I can't take that! I just want him to understand that he has his entire future ahead of him and one stupid decision could ruin it! I keep praying he will snap out of this, but in the meantime I'm losing my mind and sleep!!!





Advice from people with older children would be appreciated!Need advice about my 18 yr old son!!?
There are a number of approaches to this problem.





The attitude in our house went something like this,


That's right you are 18 and legally of the age of majority.


HOWEVER, You are still living in my house.


Once you are out of high school you may continue to stay here on this condition, You will either be in school or at work.


Your job is to go to college and stay in school or go get a full time job.


If you stay in school that becomes your job, we will waive your rent on that basis but that goes with your acceptance that you are living here under our supervision and standards. Less that go get a job and find an apartment. Then you are free to exercise all those freedoms that you wish to express.


You may not do as you please under our roof. Want to do as you please, there's the door. The wide world is waiting for you to show us how capable you are of running your own life.


The door is open BUT while you are here you are still a child and must agree to our expectations regarding your behavior.





If you chose to go get a job, do it. If you want to stay in school, understand that there is a parental financial responsibility, FAFSA forms to provide, campus visits and orientation to attend as well as furniture and other items required for your time in school. If you go to school (which by the way is our recommendation) you will need our help. That being said our help comes with the price that you DO NOT get to do as you please.


That is your choice, accept the rules as you have learned them OR get a job and move out.


Your choice.


By The Way, You do not get to live here rent free if you are not in school. So bear that in mind when you are making your decision.





Be fully aware that this is your decision. You may take that high school diploma and get whatever jonb you can find and move out OR you can go to school. IN either case you will live by our rules under our roof.





We are your parents and still view you as our child. I'm sure you feel that you are more mature than we think you are. That is the way of the world. If you can solve that problem you should be majoring in psychiatry. While you are here this is your cross to bear. The age of 18 does not bequeath any specific rights on you except voting. If you wish to be treated as a mature individual act like one. The ';I'm 18 and can do as I want'; statement proves to me that you are NOT as mature as you think you are . You sound very much like a child having a bit of a tantrum.


Part of adulthood is accepting the limits of your situation. These are your limits.


Think it over and let us know tomorrow what you are doing so we can figure out if we can rent your room.








This seemed to work in our house but this attitude was well stated and very clear. Free rent comes with limits and responsibility. Less that it is time for you to show us that you are correct in your attitude that you are prepared to fend for yourself.





After that, it might be time to quit doing for him, laundry, meals, gas, school visits. Freedom has a price. Make sure he understands this. Make him pay the price for his personal freedom.





There is one truth here. You must allow him to make his own mistakes. No matter how you try to lead that horse to the water he will only drink if he wants to.


It is our job as parents to teach them how to make decisions.


They will make the wrong one occasionally.


We have to point out the options, give them the supporting information and let them decide. Other than that they are on their own.


Give him the choices stay, accept the rules, go to school, and life is good. OR Leave and fend for yourself. Adult choice requires the risk of failure. It is HIS decision to stay or go. That is the adult attitude. Make sure he knows his options. Usually they will figure it out.Need advice about my 18 yr old son!!?
Well...to be totally honest, it sounds like you are doing everything right...


The key is consistency....you say he seems to get it, then slips back to his old way...well, you just have to make him ';get it'; again...and yes it is exhausting, but having younger boys that will soon be in his shoes, it sounds like this is just the beginning.
he is 18, kick him out of the house, see how he likes being a tough guy then. He is probably a little punk and will be crushed by the reality of life. He will leave eventually might as well be now so you and the rest of the family can get along.
Next time he is acting like an adult and you have had it tell him that if he is so grown up and wants to make his own decisions then he can start paying rent, giving you money for utilities, and groceries. That'll straighten him out.
I would tell him that until he pays rent then he has to follow your rules. He says he will move out but does he really have anywhere to go?
LIFEEEEE IS SOOO HARDDDDD. JUSTT THINK OF IT AS A HOT HUNKY MUNKEY CHUNKEY LUNCKEY FUNCKY PUNCKY SEXY CHEXCKY HAWWWWWWWWWT GUY AT THE BEACH. then you'll be good, thank you for my appreciation!
My brothers tried that and mum and dad said if you want to be treated like and adult fine. You pay us for


-Rent


-Utilities


-Groceries


-Health Insurance
Well if is is still dependent on you and he doesn't work .. tell him since he can do what he wants and he's grown tell him to get the F*ck out.
when i was 18 i had the same idea..but not as rude. and when i tried and failed i came crwling back. luckily my parents were there to pick me up and i got my stuff together. I would tell him if that's how he feels then he has one month to ge his stuff and get out. then he can see what the real world is like.


and remind him that while he may pay for that car, it is still in your name so you can take it when ever you please. i know he pays for it but YOU are the mom and YOU set the boundaries, whether it's fair or not. He has got to learn sooner or later that life isn't always fair.
Here's the thing. As much as we love our children and want only the best for them, at some point they will not progress until we turn them loose. He's eighteen and legally an adult. Yes, he could make some major mistakes. But maybe he just has to make them in order to grow. Or maybe he'll be out on his own for a couple of weeks and realize how good he had it. I think you need to call his bluff and tell him if he can't obey the rules, you'll help him pack. No, it isn't what you want, but it may be what he needs.
I apologize, I'm 25 %26amp; not even a parent yet, but the only thing that you can do is continue to pray for him and hope that God directs him in his daily life. He IS 18 and you can love him and try to protect him for the rest of his lift, but the truth is, you can't. He's trying to find himself right now, and he also wants to do what he wants to do. Very normal. If he is totally disrespecting you and your house, (as much as you don't want it), let him move out. I GUARANTEE then he will see that the real world is out there (not just his car payments, but rent, food, EVERYTHING). Just pray for your baby.......I wish you the best. PS-He'll apologize one day when he really IS an adult.
Hi, I am 19 years old. My best friend who is 18 has been doing the same thing to her parents. She actually went as far to sneak out and run away, not contacting them for a week. She lived with other people but after the novelty of being independent wore off, she was dying to go back home. So my advice would be to say, fine, move out. It will not last long because in no time at he will miss the lovely life you provide for him that he cannot get at an alcoholic's house.
Ok so my children arent older yet but I do have a brother who just turned 18 last November also. It sounds as if they are going through the same senario. My dad is frustrated also because my brother is rude and ';he's the only one who is ever right'; and blames everyone else for his mistakes. Honestly I think its a phase that they are going through with ecerything that is coming up in their lives. Big changes are ahead and I think that has something to do with it. They're scared but dont want that to show to anyone and to make up for it they get rude..... just my opinion though.
tough love is hard. write up an invoice of what all you do (call local companies if need be) and write a list. next time he does the ';i do what i want'; show him a budget of how much it costs to live and how much he could make by working off with chores around the house. maybe by showing him that 4573948723945 loads of laundry pays the rent, he might back off a little.





or maybe try working out some kind of program to where he can earn what he wants. as long as he can do A, B, C, and still get good grades, then no curfew or something like that.





right now he knows that you wont tell him to leave so he has the upper hand. good luck
I had similar problems with my sons. One constantly told me he'd move out, he'd go live with his father, he was bigger than me and I couldn't force him. I had to remain calm, and tell him that in my house I made the rules. If he didn't like he, he could make other arrangements. You have to remain in control in your home. He didn't leave. Where was he going to go? He's a self sufficient adult now.





Where's their father? Is he out of the picture? If he's there, you need to present a united front.
No body is going to like my answer. This is the fault of the Society set up,where !8 year old are considered ADULTS that they can make their own decisions.


18 is the age when they need most guidance by parents.


Just give him good advice and show him the advantages of staying at home with you and be afriend to him rather than enemy. Once he moves out he is totally independent ,out of control and can ruin his life,God forbid.
I really think you should be tough on him and next time he wants to move out let him. He will soon find that there is no place like home. My parents did that to me and i left thinking it would be so easy but it was so hard so i moved back with my parents and now I pay some of the bills and buy my own clothes, pay for my truck the insurance and anything else. my parents only provide food and shelter everything else is my resposibility since i am now 20. I learned from that experience and my parents have set rules for me. For instance i can go out whenever i want but cant come home drunk, i can do anything as long as my brother had a babysitter and has finished his homework and the house must be cleaned by the time she comes home from work. Its not that bad considering i am living there for free. Try it!
I was a trouble kid too - now I have kids of my own! I did the exact same thing to my parents and they did not kick me out - they helped me pay for college, which I dropped out of, they bought me cars, which I wrecked, they paid for rent when I couldn't........ and it got worse and worse. I was on drugs and drinking heavily when I was 28.


Then they cut me off.


They told me they had other kids to take care of and I needed to take care of myself. My brothers were in college, etc. and needed their help and deserved it more.





I lived with some friends for a while, crashed on couches....etc.


Finally, I got a job and eventually got an apartment and eventually turned my life around and now I have a great husband and family....


I wouldn't have all that if they hadn't finally cut me off. They still loved me - they still talked to me - I still went home for Christmas, but they told me no more money and didn't give in when I told them how bad my life was - my mom told me where to look for jobs, my dad co signed for my apartment cause my credit was shot.... but no more money.





I can't help but think that if they had just told me when I was 18 that if I thought I was so grown up, then I could live on my own, that I might have made it through all that much earlier and not lost 10 years of my life!





I have heard of people telling their kids that if they don't want to live by the rules, then they can pay rent and utilities, and then they can do whatever they want... usually the kids don't make it long before they realize they had it pretty sweet and shape up.


Also, you can't protect him from everything. If he's going to college, etc. he's going to get into trouble there, too. Kids have to make mistakes or they don't learn from them- if there is a safety net every step you take, you don't learn how bad it hurts to fall - I wish my parents had let me fall more and made me take responsibility earlier - but then again, I wouldn't be who I am, so I guess things worked out right for me......


Let him learn a few lessons on his own, or you will have the same problem my parents did!





PS - if he runs to that other family, he will see what a great home you have and he'll be back in days, I promise