Need advice about step children?

I am with a lovely man, I have 3 kids, he has1. We all get on very well, my kids love my new man and he is extremly good with them. His son comes every 2nd weekend to stay with us. There has been some friction with the kids towards each other, but I thought all was going well. My partners son has just announced that he does not want to see the rest of us the next time he visits, just his dad. On one level I can understand, he has had alot of up heaval, but I have worked so hard to make this work for everyone. I dont think he hates us, I think he is jealous of the relationship my son has with his father. There is only 10 months age difference between the 2 boys. We do go out all together, but I have always made sure he has as much time as possible on his own with his dad. I cant help but feel a bit hurt. Its not possible for me and my kids to completly dissappear 1 weekend. I have very few friends to talk to,his dad feels very confused,and a bit torn. Any advice from others?Need advice about step children?
i was part of a step family, sisters of my own who lived with me, my mum and my step-dad.(he had boys who lived with there mum).you are doing all the right things but what you have to realise is that this wee boy, through no fault of his own has been seperated from his dad. your son gets on well with your partner so his son quite rightly feels threatened by this.and as much as you say you treat him the same as your own , he isnt. he has a mum of his own and could be feeling as if he's betraying her by liking you. i know its difficult to stay out of the way but it may do your son some good to spend a weekend doing things just with you.you dont need to go to friends, you can take your son and enjoy your time with him.dont take it too personally kids have lots of stuff going on in their heads. if you give him space to be with his dad and dont make a fuss you'll find he'll soon be looking for you to join in again. please be patient.it is so natural for him to be jealous of your son, after all he gets to see your patrner every day.he could be testing his dads loyalty too so dont put yourself in the position where hes made to choose between.trust me when i say it gets better... i couldnt bear to be in the same room as my step-dad when i was younger. luckily he understood how i missed my own dad. we now have a really good relationship. you'll have that too if you bide your time and respect his need to have his dad to himself. good luck you sound very caring xxNeed advice about step children?
You sound as though you have done your very best for this little boy but, he is obviously feeling the strain. What doesn't help is knowing your kids are with his dad all the time he is not there. Perhaps you can keep a low profile when he visits and his dad can take him out somewhere special, just the two of them. You don't say how old he is but children are very resilient and I am sure its just a matter of time.
Do you consider that it may be his ex working on the son to try and come between you, just for spite, stick with it. Get your partner to have a good talk with his son and let him know that he has lots of love... But he values his son love as well as other people.. he doesn't love his son less by sharing his feelings with others, but a one day out on his own would be ok but not immediately after, his son's requests.
Let the two of them go to a movie while you and yours do some ting else. Since he is the 'odd man out' I would let him have some space with his father and then join up with you.
Give them some dad son time alone. His son needs this and it's only a couple of days out of the month, but also plan some family time too.
Someones already said it.... You'll never win....





This is upto ur partner to decide what tact he wants to take...





If you and he are in it for the long haul then he must discuss it with his son so you all know where you stand.





I dont think giving them too much space (like a whole weekend) is gonna help... maybe an afternoon where u have fun time with your kids at home (baking? play board games etc) and he goes out with his dad (football game? or video arcade or something) then all get back together in the evening for more family fun.





If this is the way its gonna be from now on his son needs to get used to it. One clear message. You and your partner need to be parenting from the same page. Discuss with your partner the boundries your both going to abide by for ALL the kids. No special treatment.





I'm a step mum... Believe me... if you muddle through with no big blow outs then you done good!
to be perfectly honest with you... his son has to learn to accept u and ur kids... he has to realise that his dad is with u and has ur family as well as him... i think he's being slightly selfish..


if ur hubby wants to take his son out for one-on-one time when he visits then thats down to him, but u should not have to make urself and ur kis disappear just because he visits.... he has to learn to accept ur family too..





maybe theres some underlying cause as to why he doesnt want to see u and ur kids? do the kids get along ok? do they argue? maybe u should sit them all down together? or u should just ask his son outright, why he just wants to see his dad and not all of u... it maybe just the fact that he doesnt get time alone with his dad... which in that case, its ur hubbys job to make that alone time, maybe at the cinema, or a footy match, or summit where they can be alone, not u disappearing just to make the son happy....
You can never win in this situation - so get the idea out of your head.


Most of this is coming from unconscious levels - and so you, your partner , his son cannot do anything about it. It just happens. It just is.


So - just give them the space. You need to think ';conflict avoidance.'; If you aim for that - and there is no conflict - that count that as success.


On a practical level, try and to something positive, enjoyable etc with your kids when Dad/Son are together. It's your opportunity as well to bond with yours.
Well, it sounds like you have it figured out already. It's not all going to just magically come together, it will take time. Keep trying to include him in family activities, and making the effort to show him you and your children care for him %26amp; his father. But also let he %26amp; his Dad have some alone time. He doesn't get to live with Dad, and is used to being the center of his attention when he visits.


I'm sure it will all smooth over eventually, if not try some family counseling.
Let him get some alone time with his dad, its only fair. He is pushing you and your's away, but he wants some of his daddy like he is used to having. They should go to the park or something and have some time, have your mate talk to his son while they are out about how he feels about the situation. While they are out you and your kids can do something and when they get back you all can be a happy family again. You don't need to leave for the weekend, he just needs about a half a day with his dad, he is a child and does not run the situation.





He just wants to feel like the center of attention and not be lost in the shuffle.